Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Flight of Imagination

The film Fanaa has been released and is big hit all over India. Though the reviewers and most of bloggers like me have general dislike for the film, the masses seems to have liked it. I have been reading various posts about review of the film. Many bloggers have various points on which they seems to be perplexed, like what was the message of film that the director of the film was trying to convey, what was behind `blink and you miss' cameos by Lara Dutta, Shiney Ahuja, Satish Shah, Tabu, why was the film so lengthy, etc. etc.

Since we will never know the answers to questions likes these, I am taking a flight of imagination to answer such like questions. Please be warned that what you read below is pure fiction, fantasy, product of my imagination, directly from my mind, made up on the spur of moment. Anyting but the truth.

I was maha amused to see from the posters of the film that the story and screenplay writer of Fanaa is Shibani Bathija, who happens to be a distant distant cousin of yours truly (Raju Bathija). I somehow got hold of her mobile number and chatted with her for few moments yesterday. I asked her various questions about Fanaa and its story, but she declined to answer any of them. But she was kind enough, since we are distant distant cousins, to fix up a meeting with director of the movie Kunal Kohli. Kunal she said is nowdays agreeable to talk to anyone about the movie, to get more publicity for the film. I went to a coffee shop where I meet Shibani and Kunal. Kunal did not allowed me to record the interview so the following are what I remember from the conversation.

Me: Thank you Shibani for fixing up this meeting. Thank you Kunal for agreeing to talk to me.

Shibani: My pleasure. It is not on all days that one meets one's distant distant cousin. Just promise me that you will never call me again and will delete my cell number from you mobile.

Kunal: Oh, it is okay. If it helps Fanaa I am game to meet anyone, even Narendra Modi.

Me: Kunal, are you hurt that your film is unofficially banned in Gujarat?

Kunal: Yes and No. Yes because India is a democratic country and it the ban is ridiculous. No, because Fanaa has done more business then it was expected to do, thanks to Gujarat ban. Yashji will soon be gifting me a Toyoto Innova.

Me: Tell me why is picture so lengthy. It has just two main characters and you took three hours to tell us what happens or not happened to them.

Kunal: For that you must ask Mr Aditya Chopra, the producer of the film. You see, Aditya is very stingy man. He is the only man, I know, who carries around a calculator. Other men carry a fancy mobile, Aditya carries a fancy calculator. He wanted Mr Ravi K. Chandran as cinemotographer for the film, and Chandran guy wanted Rs. 1 crore as his fee. Aditya has livid with him, but a compromise was arrived on and Chandran guy was told that he will be given Rs. 1 crore but he has to double up as editor of the film. So you see, the film was practically without any editor. How can you expect a cinemotographer to be an editor. Chopras are really the stingy guyes.

Me: But they are gifting you a Innova.

Kunal: Oh that has been gifted to them by Aamir with a condition that they gift it to me after few days.

Me: And you will gift it back to Aamir after few days.

Kunal: You are very clever sir.

Me: Why was Poland masqueraded as Kashmir?

Kunal: There is a small village in Poland called Kaashmir, where it snows all year round where the movie was filmed. It was Mr Uday Chopra's idea to film the movie there, as he had a Polish girlfriend, who happens to live in that place. The home you see in the movie after interval is actually hers.

Me: There is a funny dialogue in the film when Kajol informed Tabu that she knows her husband is a terrorist and that she has nuclear trigger, and Tabu tells her that okay, good, they will come in the morning to collect it.

Kunal: Did you noticed it. See, the actual dialogue which Tabu was supposed to say was `We know where you are and we are coming there very very soon'. But Tabu wanted to get even with Aditya Chopra. Tabu was given just one leather jacket to wear in the entire film. If you notice she is wearing a leather jacket before the interval and the is also wearing the same leather jacket when she is shown after seven years. Kajol was given a selection of 500 dress to choose from. So naturally Tabu was very annoyed with Aditya. She delibrately said `We will come in the morning' and even after 250 retakes, refused to say the correct dialouge. In the end Aditya said let it be, no one will notice as most of the people might be sleeping at that point in the movie.

Me: Why were `you blink and you miss' cameos by Lara Dutta, Shiney Ahuja, Satish Shah in the movie?

Kunal: There are one more which no one spotted. Uday Chopra played the goalkeeper in the football match in which Aamir Khan scored a goal. About the cameos, you should ask Aditya about it. Since the film was going over-budget, he asked three of them to work free in film, with a promise of a meaty role in the next Yashraj movie.

Me: What about Tabu? What was she thinking?

Kunal: Oh Tabu came in the movie because Aishwariya Rai was not available, and Tabu agreed to do it

Me: Free of cost?

Kunal: Yes, of course.

Me: What is the message you were planning to convey to viewers through this movie?

Kunal: Message is obvious. Kajol is a kashmiri girl and and in the end she kill Aamir who is terrorist. So if few girls follow her example, the terrorisim in India will be rooted out forever.

Me: Is that the message of the movie? But isn't it childlish to believe so?

Kunal: All movies of Yashraj banner are childish. They are made to appeal the child in you.

Me: And what was the message behind rain song?

Kunal: Lot of people in our country try very hard to have child after marriage. Some suceed, some fail. If they do IT after singing and dancing in the rain, there is a 100 per cent gurantee to have a child, a male child that is.

Me: Aamir Khan is shown as one-man army and he seems to be doing all terrorist activities all on his own? Don't you think it is improbable?

Kunal: For that the blame must lie on the door of Aamir Khan. Did you notice a Rajesh Khanna type character and a man who was half-bended while talking to Kajol's teacher. Both of them were supposed to be sidekick of Aamir's character in the film for the terrorist activities. But Aamir Khan being a perfectionist wanted to show that he can do it ALL himself, blasting , shaarying, romancing, singing, fanaaing etc. etc.

Me: One last question. Why was the film so drab and did not seemed to be moving at all after the interval?

Kunal: The reason for that is simple. After intermission, the movie was directed by Uday Chopra. I did not even went to Poland. Uday fancies himself as real heir of Yash Chopra.

Me: Thank you Kunal and Thank you Shibani. It was wonderful talking to you Kunal.

Shibani: Have you deleted by mobile number?

Me: Yes, I have.

Shibani: Did you know that in the next movie I am writing, Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna, Abhishek Bachchan plays a blogger in the movie. Now, don't blog about it.

Me: I will, of course.

7 comments:

Kusum Rohra said...

Hey Rajuji, this is hilarious stuff, your first attempt at humour is so brilliant which means you should keep posting such stuff more often.

Raju Bathija said...

Thank you Kusum, for your kind comments and words of encouragement. I will surely do more such humours posts.

Abhijeet said...

Rajuji, I didn't get many things while I was reading your blog (rather I looked over few lines) but I didn't get a thing as I didn't know who the hell Kunal Kohli was, neither your distant distant cousine.. But I made sure that I read your and kusum's post without fail after watching the movie today (Just couple of unlucky hours before) .. I will soon share my opinion without any impression of anyone's thought

Lalit Singh said...

Hilarious!!!
what crap movie yaar

Raju Bathija said...

#abhijeet#: Kunal Kohli is the director of Fanaa and is no relation of mine. Shibani Bathija is my imaginary distant distant cousin, hence also no relation of mine. Thanks for visiting my blog and reading the post.

#lalit singh#: Thanks for visitig my blog. I share your thoughts about Fanaa.

Abhijeet said...

@Rajuji: I mentioned it in a lighter way. I know she is not your distant distant cousine ;) .. And I see that you have posted about her interview too ... LOL!

Raju Bathija said...

#abhijeet: Thanks. Please do leave a comment on that post, if you like it.